Now the Truth of Husband's Affair is Out
How Do You Handle the Horrid Details?
His Mistakes Should Haunt Him - NOT You
You're torn up by the revelation of that inconsiderate bastard who trashed your marriage vows.
Nevertheless, you may not yet be convinced that you need to kick him out immediately, or pack up and leave today. You may think that this is a short lapse in judgement that can be forgiven, and have intentions of trying to fix things.
The problem is that the images keep playing like a movie in your head, and, unfortunately, the more you try to distance yourself from the images, the more vivid they become, and you actually start to crave details.
If you want to save your marriage and try to move past the affair, you need to be absolutely certain that any details you obtain will, in fact, help you to deal with the reality of this situation, and not serve to make the situation worse.
Get Comfort to Deal With the Situation
As the cheatee, you are the one who must decide how many of the details you want to know about the affair. The cheater may feel better by unloading everything onto you to clear his "conscience;" however, this "coming clean" will probably interfere with your ability to heal.
Your cheating husband must bear most of the burden of getting things back on track, without believing that he's gotten away with this travesty simply by issuing some lame, insincere apology. At this point, this is about you! Make him participate in helping you to deal with the pain you are feeling.
Write Down Questions You May Have About the Affair
Think about your questions for a few of days and decide if this is really what you need to know in order to start healing.
Remember that once you get an answer, then you know; you can't unask. If you think that negative images and thoughts will haunt you, or if the answers are not necessary to help you find peace, it's probably best to let him keep it to himself. Some details could be quite disgusting to hear.
Have Some Affair Detail Rules
It won't be productive to broad-side the cheater with endless questions, creating a conversational situation that can easily escalate to the point of no return. Give the cheater some advance warning and schedule a question and answer session.
Set session parameters for these questions and answers; for example: "Please you lying, cheating SOB, only provide information that specifically answers this question I have. No elaboration and no excuses, please." Then, proceed to ask your question.
▶ ▶ "Survive an Affair" contains extensive guidelines to help you through the pain.