|So, getting back together with your ex has been playing on your mind. You really do want to try again but, do you know if your ex does? There must have been a time when everything in your relationship was going well. Or was it? Do you know when things started to go wrong that eventually led to the break up? Something must have gone wrong at some point, do you know what and why?|
I wonder if you were to succeed in getting back together if it would work out for you and your ex without fully understanding the root cause of the break up.
It’s obvious that something wasn’t right. Maybe you said or did something. Maybe your ex said or did something. For all I know it may have been both of you. Were either of you too blind to notice what was or wasn’t happening?
If getting back together again is important to either or both of you, neither of you want to make the same mistakes all over again and run the risk of splitting up for good.
Something went wrong and the relationship needs to be rebuilt on a very strong foundation if it is to last. Feelings of regret, remorse, guilt are all very well but they won’t solve the problem. And, believe me, carrying the attitude of “it was all their fault” or, just as bad, pretending that nothing was wrong, certainly won’t get you very far. So what will?
Think back to when your relationship was working for both of you. What problems started to occur from that point and up to splitting up? Are they easily identifiable? Were they caused by you or your ex? It is likely that some of the issues that were allowed to escalate are all symptoms of the same root cause or causes and if those causes were fixed, the issues would simply disappear.
Communication is one of the most powerful tools we have and yet we either don’t use or we abuse it. If you truly want your ex back, talk to each other, find out if both of you are really sure about getting back together. If it transpires that one of you is definitely against the idea then it is time for both of you to accept the inevitable and move on with your lives.
Before that, however, think long and carefully about your role in leading to the break up. Be brutally honest with yourself and accept that for which you know you are responsible. Then fix it. If you need help to fix it, that should not be a problem to you if you truly wish to get back together.
If, in honest reflection, you believe that you ex was responsible, even partly, this is where communication plays a vital role. Without pointing fingers or trying to apportion blame, discuss the issues thoroughly, get to the root causes. If your ex has already made an effort to fix the issues whatever they were, great. If they are prepared to make an effort as you undoubtedly are, also great. Point is, if either of you fail to make the effort to redress the issues, getting back together again will be short lived and a more final break up will be inevitable.
If getting back together is motivated because of the true love you have for each other, why would you ever want to risk that special relationship by splitting up again? Do what it is you need to do and save yourself from heartbreak.
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