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Ending a Relationship Breaking Up is Hard To Do
Does your to-do list look something like this:
· Walk dog
· Water
plants
· Break up
with significant other
Okay, while ending a relationship is hardly at the top of
anybody’s calendar, the fact is that when a relationship has gone sour, someone
has to make the move to end it. The
truth is that many relationships last long beyond the “expire by” date just
because breaking up is hard to do.
Sometimes a break up happens in dramatic fashion with
clothes being thrown out of a second story window.
Other times, the relationship just peters out until someone
says “it’s caput.”
How do you go about ending a relationship so that neither
party gets hurt?
You need to get clear on why you want to terminate the
romance. The immediate reason that jumps
into your mind may not be the real reason.
Once you get clear, the next step in ending a relationship is to get
honest. That means that in your
discussion with your partner that you are true to yourself and to them.
Schedule a mutually convenient time for the breakup. In general, it is better to do it in person
rather than over the phone, but if distance is an issue in the relationship,
you should do it sooner than wait for a time you can get together.
Get into a state of compassion when ending the
relationship. If you want to stay
friends after the break up, you need to conclude the romantic ties with love
and compassion.
Don’t put your partner on the defensive. Talk about the things you’ve learned and the
memories you will cherish that have come from your love. Be present during the break up. Your partner may become very emotional during
this time. You need to respond to their
needs.
Don’t take anything personally when ending a
relationship. Your partner may say
things they don’t really mean. Let these
words roll off of your back.
Your partner may need to meet with you more than once to
conclude the relationship. Or, they may
need space. Give your ex what they need
to get through the transition time.
But don’t let them make you feel guilty. You’re ready to begin a new phase in your
life and it will not include a romantic relationship with your ex. It is best if you retain a positive
relationship of some sort with them, but if you are ending the relationship for
the right reasons, it is best for both of you.
Should you ever consider reconnecting? Does ending a relationship always mean “the
end, close the book?”
That is something you have to decide. Virtually all relationships can be saved if
certain conditions are met. If you have
the time and are willing to make the effort, you can get through this period as
an even stronger couple.
However, if you are determined to walk away, it’s best to
end a relationship with a clean break and move on.
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